I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
