can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
