Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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