She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
