No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
