After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
