he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
