I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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