Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
