It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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