He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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