The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
