You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!