she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.