you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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