I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
