help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
