we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
