I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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