Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
