hotel room ftw
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
