we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wear drunk well.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
