Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
