i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
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They took my balls.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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