Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
