in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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