I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
