No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
