come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize