it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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