if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
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She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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