i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
