Your face is a jimmy john
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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