and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
