U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
