he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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