While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
