So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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