Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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