there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
