Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
