Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
