Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
