The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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