I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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