MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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