I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
