Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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