I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
