So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
