This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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