I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
