Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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