Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
