Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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