Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
