Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
