So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
