If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
MIDGETS
????
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
