dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
