I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
