i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
