part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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