How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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