around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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