if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
