it was like his penis was on wheels.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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