During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
