Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
