Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
