My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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