Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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