Porn is love you can see.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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