omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
