I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
