my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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