i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
