Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
