im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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