she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
