I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
