i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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